Gosh, I’m so sorry that you’re experiencing this. I truly am. This isn’t easy.
I have a million questions… as I’m sure you do as well…
He said he no longer wanted to be gay? Have you both explored why he feels this way? What do you think brought this on? Has he been having any issues or any significant changes lately?
And for you… what made you decide to give up on him yesterday? Was there something that happened or did you just decide to finally go through with it? I know it wasn’t an easy choice. I know you’re going through a lot.
Unfortunately, I can’t tell you how long he’ll go through this… or if he’ll ever be comfortable with himself once again. But I do think that 3 years is definitely long enough to give this some additional time… presumably. What has he discovered in the last three months of questioning his sexuality?
But let’s think through some of this… you’ve still kissed and made love… even after he’s told you that he no longer wants to be gay? Be careful here. The last thing you want is for him to one day decide that you coerced him into doing something. While I know that is the FARTHEST from the truth… if he’s uncertain of things right now… the best thing to do is be supportive.
Maybe keep the conversations up about his thoughts on homosexuality. I think that would definitely be worth the effort.
You’ve also said that you have decided to give up. But, it also sounds like you’ve not really decided that for sure. I know that you don’t want to make a poor decision here… but you really have to decide what is best for yourself. Remember that.
There are truly a lot of directions you can take this. Personally, I hate seeing any type of relationship slow down/end so I think I would always lean you towards working things out… but I do also acknowledge that there are times when you really just need to do something for yourself. You need to decide what this is for you… do you need to stay and work on things or is it better for you both to move on? There is no guarantee that things with him will change… so there is some risk involved in staying.
If I were in your shoes, I think I would try and spend more time with him trying to better understand why he feels like he no longer wants to be gay. I would explore those feelings with him. I would think understanding him may also help him to see how amazing his homosexuality truly is.
If you feel that you’ve done that, then it does make sense to back away.
Let’s talk more about this. It’s a really big subject and I want to make sure you got everything you need to make the best choice you can. I’m here for you.
I hope this helps a little bit. Just remember that you aren’t alone… I understand… and will do what I can to help.
We met online actually. :-) It was a fan website devoted to a TV show… and we got to talking…and well, here we are. It’s proof that it can happen anywhere at any time. :-D
Well, this is tough. I mean, you do know these books are really steamy and over the top… meaning that if you have no problem with your 16 year old son reading stuff meant for adults, then you should start with your LGBT center.
Why there? Some have EXTENSIVE libraries of anything gay. I went to one in San Diego a couple of weeks back that had THOUSANDS of books in a library that they had made. It was ALL gay books.
If you went that route, he could check what he wanted to read and then if he enjoyed it enough, you could buy him the rest of the series.
That’s where I would start that I think would be best. I’m not sure too many city libraries will have what you’re looking for, and since most everything you’ll find online will be pushing digital everything… an LGBT center may be your best bet.
Let me know what you find! :-D
Alright, so you want to know how to respond? The challenge is that only you know best how to respond. Why is that? Because each relationship is truly different.
He’s been a gentleman to you. I feel like… if it were me… I think I would tell him that. You don’t have to make it deep… or profound… just let him know that he’s a gentleman and you really enjoy your time together. It’s the truth, right? And the more time you hang out, the closer you two will get.
I don’t think saying that will make you seem attached or desperate. I would think that if you start the conversation with “Oh, I loooooove you.” That may come off desperate… but that’s not what you’d do. You’d just let him know that you enjoy his time and think he’s such a gentleman. I think that’s ok to say. I think it is.
And keep hanging out. Seriously… Guys respond to action. The fact that you keep spending time with him also shows him that you are interested. You already feel that when he wants to spend time with you. You know deep down that he’s interested. He likes spending time with you.
You’ll be alright. Just let him know that you enjoy his time and see where that takes you. I just really can’t see that not being a good idea. Use your judgement, of course… but that’s what I think.
I look forward to what you decide to do. :-)
Hmm… ok… next part…
onto the next part…
Alright… onto the next part…
I think it’s a good idea to be over him. He’s not clear in his intentions (as we’ve talked about), and I just think you’ll be better off with someone who is FAR more direct in what they are looking for in a relationship.
And no, it’s not really something that you can talk to your mom about … so you got me! :-)
Just keep some distance between yourself and him. Remember that anytime you’re alone with him, there’s a chance for him to make a move. Limit those interactions and you should be fine.
I hope that helps!! :-)
I would think you shouldn’t have anything to do with him because he’s being very shady (regardless of whether or not he’s married). Honestly, that’s how you should see this… that he’s not being truthful at some point.
He’s either married and lying to her… or not married and lying to you. That doesn’t really help his case much either way.
And how did he know that you were gay? If you like him as much as you say you do, he absolutely knew because of the way you looked at him. Guy’s eyes never lie. And those quick glances where he caught you checking him out… was all he needed for confirmation. He knew.
He knows how to tempt you. To get past him, you need to be away from him. That’s becoming more and more clear. That’s really the best direction for you here given the circumstances.
That’s what I think, anyways. He doesn’t seem like he’s leading you down a very good path. And I just don’t think you want a relationship like that.
I hope that helps!
Well, he’s clearly using his looks to his advantage… at least, that is how it sounds. He knows that you like him that much… so he can be this way with you. And when you start to turn away, he’ll flirt harder. That’s why it may be best not to hang out with him where he can be that free and open with you.
Onto the next part…