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PT 3; I want him to be happy even if that means hes with someone else but i would love to win him back but i dont have the money to get to where he lives and like i said hes ignoring me, which is probably because the first week before i found out hes with someone else i blew up his phone :( but i've backed off :) but i still miss him and want to be with him :/

Alright, so it sounds like you guys keep missing each others “window of opportunity”.  When you’re available, he’s not… when he’s available, you’re not.  There’s also a lot going on here with distance too so we need to take a pretty good look at that here as well.

First off, long distance relationships are rough.  Anyone who’s ever been in one can tell you that.  They’re totally worth it, but they’re rough.  There are several things you need to watch out for here.  For one, it’s easy to make someone out to something they’re not.  I’m not saying that you’re doing this…but the first thing I’d ask you to do is be real honest with yourself about this guy.  Daydreaming is definitely fun… it’s cool to imagine that he may very well be the most perfect man for you… but how much of that is real… and how much of that is how you ENVISION yourself with him?  I don’t know the answer to this… only you do.  Some people stay level headed in long distance relationships… some don’t.  I’m not going to tell you that how you’re feeling is not right…but I will challenge you to make sure that how you’re feeling is truly the situation. Why?  Because I want you to be happy.

Alright, now with that aside let’s get down to the situation at hand.  It sounds like he’s doing the same thing that he did the last time he was in a relationship.  The question that you have to ask yourself is he TRULY worth the wait?  And of course I know the answer that you’d just spit out if I asked you this question directly, but I want you to think about this.  I’m ALL for long distance relationship as that’s how my relationship started.  It was miserable to know that I couldn’t be with him every moment of the day.  The good news that I can tell you is that I believe in long distance relationships… BUT … both guys have to be on the same page.

The fact that he’s ignoring you now gives me some concern.  I don’t think he’s trying to be mean to you… in fact, it seems as tho he does like you… but since he’s ignoring you right now… and how far you two are apart… you may want to take this time and reflect as to what you are truly looking for… and what you truly want.  Stop focusing on how he “completes” you and start focusing on how you can just be the best YOU that you can be.  In time, he may come around and figure out what he’s missing…and then you can figure out if you want him in your life that way. 

I think ignoring someone is always a bad idea.  While sure his boyfriend may be the one that’s causing it… he is a capable of communicating to you and letting you know that he can’t talk to you while he has a man.  This disappearing act he’s doing… it concerns me.  It’s much too easy for him to give up on the situation instead of dealing with it.  It may be something that he would bring to the relationship… not something you want either.

Anyways…that’s my take on it.  I think long distance relationships are amazing… but I also want to make sure that you are prepared.  I care for you and want to see you succeed. 

Let me know if this helps!  I feel like I was all over the place.  I think you’re heart is in the right place… i know you really want to be with him…but he’s not doing a whole lot right now…and this isn’t the first time it’s happened. 

I’m here for you… let’s keep talking about it.  :-)

~kev

 
  1. gaymaleadvice posted this